When your best friend is selfish, what keeps you devoted to them is the fact that when they shine on you, it's like this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club, and you don't even know what the club is, you just know you want to stay in it.
Theses are thoughts from what feels like a very long time ago. But sometimes when I hear or see something that reminds me of that time in my life, I feel just like this again: confused, hurt, frustrated, helpless, pathetic... but at the same time, lucky to be considered her best friend.
I don't tell many people this because I want to be a confident person, someone who has it together. But I have a complex about feeling unwanted, unneeded. It's developed over that past couple of years and was recently reinforced by a heartbreak. I get nervous to call my friends because I don't want to seem obtrusive or annoying. I'm often unsure about how people really feel about me. This lack of self-confidence is really quite uncharacteristic of me though, and it frustrates me. I hope that I can shake it soon.