playlist.com

Here is a new April Fool's Day edition playlist courtesy of playlist.com - my new favorite internet haunt. I've spent far too much time on that website, but it sure is fun!

Also, I'm going to start a sporadic "Question of the Day."

Today's Question of the Day is: If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?
(And ten bonus points to whoever can name all of the famous people below.)

Wanted

Friday was a very long day.  Please excuse the nerdy engineering analogy, but time seems to flow like a shear-thickening (think starch and water mixture) fluid near the end of the semester.  The more stress I'm under, the more viscous time becomes, moving slower and slower until it barely moves at all, like the weeks will never end.  I was at the end of a highly viscous week Friday afternoon so I sought sanctuary at my parent's house for a nice meal and some caring faces.  I love my parents dearly. It is wonderful to have such solid constants in my life.

I was looking forward to spending some quality time with a good friend who was only in town for that night, so while I waited to hear what the plan was, I decided to kill time and start a movie with my mom and dad.  Near the end of the movie, I started to wonder.  It was getting late and my phone was being suspiciously quiet.  I sent out an inquiring text.  No answer.  The movie ended.  I decided to kill a little more time on facebook.  Finally, I got a response letting me know that they had already been hanging out for a while but I wasn't invited.  I stared at my phone feeling silly for thinking that I was wanted.  Only one tear got out.  

Then I heard that ambivalent popping sound of a facebook chat window coming alive, which means that someone you've been trying to avoid finally caught you on facebook, or that a friend cares enough to say hello.  Luckily for me, it was the latter.  Rocker wanted to talk to me!  What's more, he wanted to play guitar with me!  He must be living right because at the moment I needed to feel like someone wanted me, he did.  He brought two guitars and lots of musical toys and we had a great time, me learning and listening in awe and he teaching and smiling and sharing.  Thanks Rocker.  You made my night.

Wasted Time

Clever title, no?

Since seven o'clock this evening I have done nothing but waste time...
- watched American Idol. entertaining? yes. good use of my time? no.
- turned on my hair straightener. is my hair any straighter than when I turned it on 3.5 hours ago? no.
- watched the news. informative? not really. trance inducing? yes.
- read blogs. did I laugh? yes indeed.
- tried to figure out how to embed a playlist. playlist embedded? check. is it where I wanted it? no. did it have to take me 1.5 hous? i think not.

Here are the things I wish I would have done with my time instead...
+ studied for Spanish (which I love).
+ dove deeply into my scriptures (because I need to every day).
+ learned a new song on the guitar (with which to serenade ashton).
+ found batteries for my calculator (which has been dead for two days causing countless problems in my life).
+ purchased milk (so that I can have a banana shake for breakfast tomorrow).
+ gone to sleep by eleven (um... why is it I'm still awake?).

But in my defense, I did do a few good things today...
~ went to all of my classes (including the dreaded stats lab).
~ did not fall asleep in any of my classes (not even in fluid mechanics).
~ aced my oral Spanish test (without even studying).
~ gave a friend in need a ride home (because I love her).
~ took my little sister dress shopping for prom(we had little success however).
~ let Papa Bear borrow my car (which he filled with gasoline - thanks daddy!).

With approximately three weeks of school left in the semester, I am really struggling to find the motivation to put my energy toward studying. It's nearly impossible for me to be productive after five o'clock if I'm not working on homework with other people. This has got to change... Well "tomorrow is another day!"

Old Wounds

Do you ever have that horrible lonely feeling when you're walking around someplace and there are people all around but for some reason you don't fit in?  And you'd give anything just to be with your best friend, no matter how mean they've been to you?

When your best friend is selfish, what keeps you devoted to them is the fact that when they shine on you, it's like this souped-up shine.  And you feel like you're in the club, and you don't even know what the club is, you just know you want to stay in it.

Theses are thoughts from what feels like a very long time ago.  But sometimes when I hear or see something that reminds me of that time in my life, I feel just like this again: confused, hurt, frustrated, helpless, pathetic... but at the same time, lucky to be considered her best friend.

I don't tell many people this because I want to be a confident person, someone who has it together. But I have a complex about feeling unwanted, unneeded.  It's developed over that past couple of years and was recently reinforced by a heartbreak.  I get nervous to call my friends because I don't want to seem obtrusive or annoying.  I'm often unsure about how people really feel about me.  This lack of self-confidence is really quite uncharacteristic of me though, and it frustrates me.  I hope that I can shake it soon.

Wet the bed

3:44 am - Michelle wakes up feeling very tired, but also very thirsty. She looks at her phone, grabs the water bottle on her night stand and unscrews the lid...

4:03am - Michelle wakes up feeling very tired, and also very wet. She notices a half spilled water bottle next to her, is too groggy to care very much, takes a few big gulps of the water that stayed in the water bottle and sets it back on the nightstand, figuring she'll find the lid in the morning.

Mmmm... haven't slept in a wet bed in very long time.

Attack of the Clones

The weirdest thing just happened. I was sending an email, but didn't know the address of the person I was sending it to, so I was trying to figure out how to pull up my contacts list. Now, I know that I should already know how to find my contact list from the compose message page, and I also know that I could have just started typing their name and a list of possible matches would have popped up. But for some reason I was feeling curious and when I saw the little button on the top right hand side of the address bar, I decided to push it and see what happened...
The next thing I know, a new gmail window is popping up.

Side note: For anyone who has ever used Grandma's computer, you know how incredibly slow it is. I have developed a kind of patience I never knew existed before I started using this computer by finding new ways to entertain myself while waiting endlessly for the internet to work.

As I'm waiting for this new window to load, I see two more windows pop up on the start bar at the bottom of the screen and start flashing orange. Curious, no? Then to my utter amazement I notice that the number of new gmail windows has multiplied to six. Starting to get really weird. So I start clicking red X's in an attempt to get rid of a few extraneous windows, but before my efforts amount to anything, the flashing orange number is now 10, then 13, then 15 and 16. I'm now wondering what kind of evil virus I've unleashed on Grandma's computer by gently clicking a mysterious gmail button. Then a stroke of genius hits me. I pull up the task bar and select all of the internet explorer pages and kill them with the "end task" weapon. After doing that a few times, the chaos subsides and my windows stop reproducing and everything is still...

Very strange indeed.

Progress

This morning I had one of those transcendent experiences that break through the haze and give a more perfect view of life. It was less like seeing something new and previously undiscovered and more like remembering something from a long time ago, something that I couldn't quite fully bring to mind but that I knew was familiar.

The Draper temple feels like home. Not necessarily like my chilly basement abode, but like a place of safety, comfort, and peace. As I walked from room to room, my eyes were continually drawn to the lights, beautiful chandeliers and fixtures that sparkled with brilliance, bringing to mind the One who is Light. The imported African cherry wood throughout the temple gave it warmth and richness. Sego lilies made a interesting motif that could be found on the walls and ceilings and even in the carpet of one room and served as a reminder of our beautiful state and the heritage of the church in Zion.

My favorite rooms were the ordinance rooms with the beautiful murals and the celestial room. Being surrounded on all four sides with a continuous mural of stunning mountains or golden aspens is the coolest sensation. It was like looking into another world, one I might have been able to walk right into if only I were a bit more ethereal. It made me marvel at how beautiful our world is and what love our Heavenly Father has to create such a breathtaking place for us to live. But it was in the celestial room that the spirit touched me the strongest. As I gazed upward and got lost in the beauty of that room, I had such an intense longing to be with my Heavenly Father and to stay there forever. I didn't want to leave. "Please let me stay here with You," I thought, knowing that in a just a few minutes I would have to walk away. And then the most reassuring feeling came over me. The words were unclear but the message was sure, "Lovely daughter of mine, you cannot stay here in this room for there is much work for you to do. Go back and do your best, take me with you always and then in due time, you may stay with me forever." I left feeling fortified with a heart more tender, a view more clear, and a love more deep.

We cannot sit and bask in eternal light, hoping to become eternal ourselves. There is work to be done. Eternal progress is made by those who keep that glowing light bright in their minds and in their hearts while their hands are callused and their bodies ache from laboring for the Lord. We must live and work in the world where things do not always seem bright and obstacles may look insurmountable. But I know that as we keep doing our best to lift each other and grow closer to our Savior, our hearts will be knit together and we will soon be able to stay with Him forever.